This past weekend, Dragon*Con took over half of Atlanta (the Underdark half, if you were wondering), and that means thousands of my nerdly brethren descended on every hotel in a ten-block radius of wherever Nathan Fillion was standing at the time, and that 8/9 of those thousands came in costume.
Costume. The word calls to mind equal parts 'Halloween' and 'a theatrical production,' which --8/9 of the time-- translates to 'scary' and 'a flop.' I kid, I kid. There certainly are an unbelievable number of amazing outfits present every year, showcasing just how many hundreds of dollars and manhours some people are willing to spend to be confused with a Sci-Fi Channel Original character actor. But then there are those poor souls who go that extra mile to call themselves out, to draw uncomfortable attention to their potato-sack body-type or their incomprehension of the fact that there is a time to stop mashing up concepts (See: Garth Vader, Darth Parton, Bart Vader, Darth Vedder, Darth Vader Zim, Perth Vader, Ollie North Vader, Darth Vanadium, Darth Vega, Darth Avida, Dorothy Vader, and...Hello Vader).
Oh, but pictures do help, don't they? Let's see who we have out on the floor...
Let's steer around the Boba Fat jokes (Foba Bat?) and go straight to the problem of thinking that 2(Awesome) = Awesomer. Reese's are the exception, not the rule. I mean, what would happen if Samuel L Jackson dressed up as Wesley Snipes? This. What would happen if Samuel L Jackson dressed up as Professor Xavier? This. What would happen if Samuel L Jackson dressed up as Nick Fury? This.
Plus, if you only look at him from the waist down (and I'm truly sorry to force that concept on you), he looks like the Dread Pirate Robert(s) ...Bob, a Fat Pirate?... damn! So close.
Heh heh...Beavis, Beavis: ...Co-Bra Commandos. Henh, henh...
Seriously though, I think these two were created by Gargamel to seduce the other Cobras into getting sloppy. And while it's still unclear whether he wants to eat the Cobras or merely turn them into GI Gold, one think remains clear: Cobra Commander totally called dibs on a threesome.
Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, Thunderdome Lasertag's not until next week.
Actually, take a look at her trophies: torn hair clumps at the waistband, red plastic hat at the navel... oh god... Bitch scalped Howdy Doody.
Senator John Kerry, God of Mischief.
Didn't I fuckin' just. say., "Not nobody, not nohow?"
ALTERNATE COMMENTARY: Polio took its heaviest toll, however, on the steampunk genre.
And the DownLoadable Content for Team Fortress 2 continues with the "Victorian Safari Skins Pack." Pictured here: Medic, Spy, Heavy, Scout, and Engineer. Bonus unlockables: The Blunderbuss, the Jumanji Board, and the Doctor Vatson.
Ah, cosplay: The only pastime where blackface is still okay.
Flipping your fins,
You don't get too far.
Bet a stiff breeze
Don't wear a costume
That hinders your
--what's the word?--
You think you look neat,
But really, you're dim. (Some)
guy snatches your shells,
How you gonna chase hiiiiiim?
Let me ask you
Waddle you do,
Madness? THIS! IS! POTTAHHHHH!