I believe theater is only pointless when the performers believe it's pointless. I've done improv shows for 4 people --with 6 people onstage-- and everyone present had a blast. I've also been in shows for 50 people that I felt were a complete waste of all of our time.
It all comes down to how you view the act of performance. If you hold it to a strict must-have-at-least-_____-audience-members requirement, and then you do a show for that many people and aren't committed because "only a quorum showed up" ...that attitude's going to translate into a pointless --and most likely lifeless-- show. But if you go into it with the idea that you're doing this show especially for these four people, and you're going to give them your attention (and, in the case of improv, gear your humor toward them in particular) ...the show will be fun for both performers and watchers, and they'll go home and tell their friends, "It was an amazing show. If only more people had come. Next time, you should come with us."
Simply stated, perception is 9/10 of the law.
I assume that's the gist of Chapter 4 of The Secret, so maybe you already knew that.
In my Inbox this morning: ------------------------------- These messages were sent while you were offline.
11:46 PM Matt: Two word question for you: Marvel Zombies? -------------------------------
MY ANSWERS:
1) Yes, I like the Marvel Zombies. I have read the books but do not own any for people to borrow; instead, I used the sneaky poor-comic-nerd tactic of "flipping through" each issue as it came out...flipping through page by page, panel by panel... good stuff. Really good, but what else does one expect from Robert Kirkman, zombie author extraordinaire? And every cover is a parody of a classic Marvel Milestone comic cover (same thing goes for every reprint, each with its own new cover to parody). I have also read and enjoyed Army of Darkness Vs. Marvel Zombies but only because I'm a sucker for new classic Bruce Campbell stories (especially since he's stopped being quite as cool these days).
2) Marvel Zombies got started during a run of Ultimate Fantastic Four when Ultimate Mr. Fantastic opened up a portal to another dimension, supposedly the main Marvel universe. Now, creators of the Ultimate universe had already said in multiple interviews that if Ultimate Marvel ever had a crossover with Earth-616 (the interdimensional area code for the main Marvel universe), "you'll know we're out of ideas and we should stop."
So fans were a bit nervous/disappointed to see this FF-crossover. BUT EXPECTATIONS BE DAMNED! It turned out that the alternate universe Ultimate Reed Richards had opened was actually another universe where all the superheroes had been turned into zombies. They'd retained most of their personalities, but now the desire to save people had been transformed into the desire to eat them as fast as they could.
Now, of course, we're to the point where a recent run of Black Panther comics had Earth-616 run into the Marvel Zombies, so that technically means we've had a two-step crossover with Ultimate, but hey, who cares about the spirit of the law these days, right?
3) Yes. Really. Marvel Zombies. I'm glad there are people who can think of these things because otherwise I'd say you can't make stuff like this up.
4) If I were a Marvel Zombie, I'd be Zombie Spiderman, constantly guilt-ridden from having eaten my loved ones, always making jokes that annoy the hell out of most of the rest of the zombie heroes (zombieroes?), always descending on a webline upside down and waiting until my prey turned to say a quick one-liner before grabbing their head and sucking out an eye.
Book Description From amazon.com: Quirk Books is excited to announce the discovery of a never-before-published adventure from the pen of Dr. John Watson, steadfast companion of the legendary detective Sherlock Holmes. As the tale opens, we discover that Holmes has vanished and Watson has been framed for a grisly murder! Writing from a damp cell in Coldbath Fields penitentiary, the falsely convicted prisoner recounts the events leading to his arrest ...and provides twelve removable, facsimile clues that point to the true culprit. Among them are:
An article torn from a newspaper in California A puzzling manuscript ripped into several pieces A catalog of Victorian medicines and marital aids Plus a telegram, an arrest report, an empty matchbook, a train schedule, and much more
It's up to you to sift through the clues and solve the thrilling whodunit. When you think you've identified the culprit, slice open the final signature of the book (sealed at the printer) to read the remainder of the story. With beautiful Victorian-style illustrations and first-rate production values, The Crimes of Dr. Watson will appeal to mystery lovers of all ages.
Wow, I thought, it has the entire story "The Final Problem," comes with envelopes of letters for clues, and a sealed Answers section at the back? Dad'll love this!
So I flipped it open to the first envelope. It was empty.
Hmm, I thought, maybe this clue is just the envelope itself.
The next envelope was also empty. In fact, the sentence on the following page made it clear I was supposed to be holding a train ticket of some sort. I wasn't, so I began to suspect shenanigans.
I flipped to the back cover, thinking that perhaps they'd been worried that the clues would fall out, so they'd decided to put all the enclosures in the back with the sealed Answers section.
The clues were, in fact, with the Answers, but unfortunately, the Answers weren't with the book. There were overlapping flaps of cardstock inside the back cover, suggesting that Answers should have been contained within their protective embrace, but they were as empty as the rest of the book.
How odd, I thought. Someone's flipped through this Display Copy and removed all the useful bits.
I grabbed the copy behind it on the shelf. It was empty.
Eight copies of the book --every copy in the store, as it turned out-- were all empty. I took the entire collection to the Information Desk and informed them of the problem, then waited a good 5 minutes while they checked my story against the reality of the books.
So bizarre. Those clues were, according to the book's own blurb, the only things that could free Dr. Watson. Who could have stolen them? The publisher? The manufacturer? Did the author have a change of heart after realizing some of the clues implicated him as one of Watson's persecutors? Did someone murder everyone in the Korean mystery-envelope-stuffing sweatshop? Or was it a jealous wife? Or an adulterous doctor? No. It was her employer: Ms. Scarlet. ...Um... Miss Study In Scarlet?
To make a long story short (Too late!), I bought the book I'd originally planned on buying. Sadly, Dad will have to wait for his Interactive Mystery. ...UNLESS I KILL SOMEONE AND SEND HIM THE CLUES!!!
...enh. I'll probably just buy it for him for Father's Day.
From My Inbox: ----------------------------------- SUBJ: WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION The company or e-mail address attached to this IP Address has been awarded the sum of Five Million United States dollars in WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION Award credited to file NO: M154S/WL04. You are to contact the claim processing department with the beneath requirement via email below.
Co-ordinator, Mrs. Jean Middleton. -----------------------------------
Oh, those rascally kids, Mrs. Jean Middleton and the Honorable Marvin Valentino(1), are at it again! I didn't even realize the WHO had $5,000,000 to spare, what with their planning Conventions (while) on Psychotropic Substances and paying private eyes to continue AIDS surveillance, or whatever they do with their funding these days. Then again, they're probably still getting residuals from the movie Tommy and everything from CSI:Here to CSI:Eternity, so perhaps I can't fully comprehend just how large their petty cash drawer is.
Regardless, I'm curious as to what the requirements are to qualify for the World Health Organization Award (or WHOA for short). Since it's being awarded to "the company or e-mail address attached to this IP Address" I can only assume it's something I did online.
Maybe it was that googlechat I had with Tony about how awesome I think it is that none of us smoke; it wasn't exactly a public service announcement or anything, but it could've been if I'd Fw:'ed it to a listserve. I could have made the Subject line something like "ty 4 /smkng" or "lol bc I still have a healthy larynx," and that, my friends, would have been how you save lives.
Or perhaps it was my posting that picture denouncing malaria. You remember, this one? I know, I know, people have been denouncing malaria for years (especially people who've seen The Streets at Southpoint), but maybe the world just needed my particular thousand words(2) to get the point(3).
Either way, I'm not going to let this go to my head. I have a responsibility to the World Health Organization to do the right thing with my newly acquired 5-mil. WHO cares how I spend their money, right? WHO gives a damn, you know? WHO indeed.
Also, their email (worldhealth_verificationdept02@yahoo.de) tells you in which country they're currently based. And the World Health Organization's base is most likely where some foul disease is, so I guess that means something is, in fact, rotten in the state of Denmark. ...I'll stop now.
(1) Sounds like the name Mel Brooks would use in a movie about Rudie Valentino's less-than-charming younger brother. (2) Or, technically, 1004 words, I suppose. (3) The South point? Sorry, I'll stop.
I just downloaded the new (month old) Seether music video on my 360. "Fake It" is an awesome song and has a video that absolutely supports its message and tone. Of course, as lead singer Shaun Morgan says of it, "It's a catchy song, but in a good way." Take that as you will.
Intriguingly, the official youtube'd video has embedding disabled; apparently you're supposed to embed directly from the Seether website. I'm not complaining though, as they've got a bad-ass widget-builder for the song. My personalized widget lies below.
...I feel like talking about Seether via correctly constructed sentences is somehow a breach of grunge-metal etiquette.
I will say, even though it's making commentary on music-video conventions, there does seem to be a slightly ridiculous overload of scantily-clad sexy females falling over the band members. All it would take is a little parody of the commentary, perhaps less wardrobe and more blurred spots, and you'd have...well, why don't I show you?
PARODY OF SEETHER'S "FAKE IT" (music video should star Jack Black as Shaun Morgan)
Who's to know if your boobs aren't real at all? Present them and impress the world. You'll lose your self-esteem along the way...ohwell! Good god, you're bursting at the seams now! Good god, why not take a bow? Good god, fulfillin' all my dreams now! You look so great, so strip yourself down! You're just...
Naked! If you want some affection. Naked! Girl, it can't be wrong to be Naked! Just show off your perfection! Whoa-ho-ho, it's great for f*****g, isn't it?
You should know that your clothes won't hide your flaws. Who cares about your shoulder mole? Or that the carpet doesn't maaaatch...the drapes? Yeah. Good god, you're curvier than esses! Good god, don't be such a tease! Good god, just rip up all your dresses and panties, shirts, and cargo capris! And go...
Naked! Your entire complexion Naked! I can see it all! You're so naked! Going without protection: Whoa-ho-ho, it's great for f*****g, isn't it?
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! (sexy dance break)
Coed Naked Soccer! We. Don't. Use Our Hands! Coed Naked Skiing! Slalom on the slopes! Coed Naked Rockers! World's Most Uplifting Bands! Coed Naked Tro-o-opes...
Who's to know when your looks will fade away And little bits will start to sag? Let's get the most out of you while we can! Yeah! Good god, you're grinding with your hips now! Good god, your junk in the trunk! Good god, you're puckering your lips now! If I may say: you really got spunk! when you're...
Naked! Ready for a beef injection? Naked! Out-uendo's fun! Yeah Naked! Can you feel my erection? Whoa-ho-ho, it's great for f*****g, isn't it?
Naked! That's my own predilection. Naked! Won't you come along? And be Naked! It's Au Natural Selection! Whoa-ho-ho, it's great for f*****g, isn't it?
Trusted friends informed me that they'd canceled the seventh season of 24 due to lack of fan excitement over Season 6. Today, I learned differently from a source apparently more reliable than all of my friends (namely mycokerewards.com). In fact, there will be a Season 7. The proof is in the pudding trailer: (SPOILER WARNING!!! EVEN I HAVEN'T WATCHED THIS!).
So what were my so-called friends talking about when they were brutally crushing my dreams of more contiguous action-adventure-stressfests? They were talking, it seems, about this:
Oooookay, so it's delayed. Good. I'm fine with a delay; that'll give me time to watch my DVDs of Season 6 (which I'm asking my parents for this CMas). Man, if it's delayed enough, maybe instead of watching Season 6 when I get it, I'll just watch Seasons 1-5 again.
Last night, I went through a 2-3 hour case of deja vu. It lasted from the moment I walked up to the theater through about 20 minutes after the Mister Diplomat show was over. It included scenes from the show, random conversations before and after, and a very odd moment when I almost pulled lights but then thought, "No, I remember blacking-out this show on a different line."
I mentioned this to one of my co-improvisers, and his theory ran as follows: "That's what you get for being at the theater so long. 'I remember Robin saying that exact thing before, only she was Olivia and we were in an ice cream shop.'"
I can't agree with that though. Because, as many people have found out, I actually remember those kinds of things, and thus I don't confuse them with deja vu. I have, in fact, seen improv scenes that are extremely reminiscent of improv scenes I've seen before (not surprising, considering I'm fairly sure I've reached the twenty-thousand mark by this point), and I've had conversations about the same things over and over, but neither of those compares to the very distinct feel of having lived a moment before.
I've never really wondered before what false memories must feel like; I've always left that particular angst to the professionals...
...but, man, glitches in the Matrix are disturbing when they last for longer than a couple minutes. I should go back and reread Kurt Vonnegut's Timequake with this newfound understanding.
Hmm. Is it just me, or does it seem fundamentally wrong to reread a book about longterm deja vu?
For those who have not yet witnessed the wonder that is FELL, please click here and read the entire first issue online...for (legally) free!
The point of the comic has always been to provide stand-alone stories about a messed-up city's brilliant-but-flawed detective-hero (hyphens awaaaay!) for only 2 bucks a piece. Each page is crammed with panels to make up for the low page count, and the format really adds to the intensity of the tales Ellis tells.
I, of course, have rendered that nice affordability gift moot by first purchasing the individual issues and then, just recently buying myself the first trade. Because I like it that much.
...I've let this journal sit here unposted for a good ten hours while I've tried to think of something else to say. Really, that was it: 1) FELL #9 is on its way and 2) If you don't know what that means, you should.
2) 1000 Words (Training Wheels) Ready for the next rung? Good. You've stolen someone else's ready-made character and made some aesthetic changes. Now, why not steal something more tangible and less defined? Why not steal a picture of your character? Now, there are those who will now be asking, "But how do I find a picture of a character I haven't made yet?" Simple: Find any picture that you think is awesome.
EXAMPLE: (Taken without permission from this deviantART page - Beloved-Creature, the artist, is on hiatus from the interblag. That is my excuse. Moving on.)
My suggestion is a drawing/painting as opposed to a photo, simply because photos tend to lead to one of two pitfalls: 1) a celebrity parody, which last, maybe, an hour before they stop being funny or 2) You, Like Cliff Yablonski, Will Hate Them
So use a drawing. You're much more likely to genuinely appreciate drawings. Good. Now that you've stolen the picture, what's done is done, so stop feeling guilty or nervous of reprisal and just make a character out of it. First off, take your first impression of the picture...
Example: Creepy, evil snowman stalking its lessers, who are only an inch tall.
...and set that in stone as a base for your character. The reason for making this step is that you picked this particular picture for a reason. If you don't want to lose interest in your character, you should stay true to what attracted you to the drawing/photo in the first place.
Now, pick out details about that person/creature/chaaaaaaaraaaaacteeeer? by listing things you see in the portrait.
EXAMPLE: evil looking snowman giant bad-ass wooden claws no mouth glowing yellow eyes - magical? tiny snowmen, some scared of him, some happy, some falling down top hat that looks like warped metal dark and spooky woods with light fog claws hovering over tiny snowman
Those details, paired with your first impression and the picture itself, make the three-legged barstool that your character will sit on (where they'll most likely be served by Father Samuel Malronus). Now, flesh it out. Combine some details, insert some observations, and trust that your intuition will not lead you astray.
EXAMPLE: Cusp Once a wizard of incredible power, the creature now known as Cusp is a man's soul inhabiting the shell of a Winter Solstice (enhanced version of an ice elemental). It hates its own kind, as it was tricked into its current state by one. The wizard, years ago, summoned a Solstice and tried to dominate its mind to bend the creature to his own will. The Solstice submitted...but only as a trick. With a wrench, the Solstice gave the wizard control of its body, but in return it took control of his. The wizard lost all of his magical powers and he --or rather, it, as the wizard's sense of self stayed with his body-- it had to spend years learning how to use the Solstice's supernatural abilities. Now it (going by the name of Cusp) is able to create homunculus-like creatures in its own image and direct them to do its bidding. It has learned how to wield a Solstice's natural ironwood claws with brutal efficiency, and it has but one goal: finding and killing its former body. Cusp no longer even knows why it hates the wizard so much, and it is unaware that killing the man would forever trap it in this icy shell.
There. A wizard's mind trapped in an elemental's body. Sort of a Glen Or Rushy Glenda situation. It is important to note at this point that this treatise is not going to concern itself with stat blocks and class features. Those are limiting factors so that the people you play with can feel less insecure in the face of your kickass character concept. When creating a character, it is crucial that you not build it primarily around a rule system; once you start doing that, you lose sight of the character you want to play and start focusing fully on what game mechanics do you want to employ.
Boring. God, game mechanics are soulless and intractable and oftentimes just dumb. Seriously, why is D&D about to go to its 5th edition (called 4th Edition, but there was a Version 3.5 with all new books, so I stand by my assertion) if not because people found previous editions just dumb enough to stop being excited about?
Anyway. All I'm trying to say here is that you should build stats off of your character concept, not the other way around. Sure, let your Gamemaster/Dungeonmaster/Quartermaster have his power trip, let him rein in your creative concept to fit his overarching plot ideas, but don't make the assumption that he'll do it before he does. I promise you, if your character concept is cool enough, you'll be allowed to play it.
DISCLAIMER ONE: If your GM/DM/QM is a jealous dick, all bets are off.
DISCLAIMER TWO: "Overinflated munchkin" is not the same as "Badass character concept," so don't be a dick yourself.
With all that said, I reiterate: this treatise will not be covering any of that topic. Now, let's move on to the real meat of the matter, the average man's method of character creation:
3) Cover Letter Attached (biking through the neighborhood)
While I was googlechatting with my friend Matt at midnight:45 last month some time, he asked me for a treatise on character creation, something I suppose I am fairly decent at (what with doing it for a non-living and all). He was especially interested in ways to create a character that don't require starting from scratch. Well, far be it from me to say that every character has some sort of inspiration and that starting from scratch is a total misconception since it's not like you're planting and harvesting the metaphoric grain to make your characterloaf here.
(PS: Characterloaf here: Other Acceptable Answers Include: Eddie from Rocky Horror Picture Show and Robert Paulson from Fight Club.)
So I said I'd have that treatise to him by weekend's-end... last month some time. I have an excuse: I got to Method 2 and didn't have an example that I was excited about. So I got side-tracked. Well, I figured out a way around my problem. It's so simple when I think about it...
How To Create A Table-Top Role-Playing Game (TTRPG) Character Without Really Trying... PART ONE
Many people, when trying out that Nerd's Haven known as role-playing, get bored halfway through their first session, saying, "My character is boring or annoying or too short or too useless." This condition is not usually the fault of the game itself, but instead the fault of the character design.
Some people have characters hiding in the recesses of their minds that they can easily pluck out and use at a moment's notice; interesting, unique, in-depth fictional entities with 8-page backstories ready-made. These people are very lucky, and they probably make people around them feel jealous and/or uncomfortable.
For the rest of the world, the unlucky and uncomfortable majority, I present here the easiest methods to create a playable character that you will want to hold on to for longer than eight hours (in game). They are ranked by how they compare to bike-riding.
1) Straight From The Box (Tricycle) You watch TV. You peruse cartoons. You read books. Or if you don't, you...probably...leer at people...? And support the President? Zing, okay, whatever. Anyway, you've been exposed to the most tried-and-true characters out there just by exposure to the ones other people have made. Did you know there are no more original ideas? It's true; my mother tells me so every time I say I want to be a writer. So if there are no original ideas, what do you want to bet that if you made a character, someone would say, "Hey, cool! That's like Kenshin meets Bride of Frankenstein meets Heathcliff!"
So if your really awesome and totally original idea...isn't, why not just reverse-engineer? Take a character you know really well.
EXAMPLE: Sam Malone, the bartender from Cheers
Now, think about the parts of his character that you would change if you were him/her.
EXAMPLE: that whole bartender thing's boring, baseball's not as cool as dagger-tossing, let's make him a priest
And voila! Your character builds itself! You use your character's existing backstory (adjusting for anachronisms), then change the parts you don't like to ones you do. It is important to change a decent amount of details. Otherwise, you won't feel like the character is your own (ahem).
EXAMPLE: Father Samuel Malronis was born in the Northeastern kingdom of the Northern continent. Raised by a single father, he grew up thinking of women as nothing more than cheap thrills and nightly entertainment. In his twenties, he became one of the kingdom's best mumbletypeg players, able to out-aim even the finest yeomen in neighboring Fra'zhyr. This earned him scores of fans and the love of women who fell into his embedded stereotypes. Then, after an injury knocked him out of an important tournament, he settled down to make his peace with god. He was accepted into the inner order of the Bastionian sect, who are the world's last defense against the dimension-spanning threat of devils and demons. He has kept his wry sense of humor and his unfortunate love/hate relationship with two priestesses in the order, but everyday he hopes he will finally find some way to return his friend, Sitting Holtinspear, to life from his current petrified state.
I got stuck in a temporal loop this morning for a relative 3-4 hours.
I half woke up, growled at the time on my alarm clock: 930 and went back to sleep for a while. I half woke up, growled at the time on my computer clock: 1027 and went back to sleep for a while. I half woke up, growled at the time on my alarm clock: 930 and went back to sleep for a while, mildly confused. I half woke up, blinked at the time on my alarm clock: 930 and, under the assumption that I was dreaming, went back to sleep for a while. I woke up, stared at the time on my computer clock: 842 I turned to look at the time on my alarm clock: 930 I realized that my alarm clock was stuck on Set Alarm Mode, flicked it to Normal Mode: 945 I picked up my watch: 704 I stumbled downstairs, wrapped in my comforter, and looked at the microwave: 1105 and, slumping onto the couch and curling into a ball, decided to let the world iron itself out and went back to sleep for a while. I woke up back in my bed. My computer clock: 945 My alarm clock: 930 It was once again in Set Alarm Mode, so I clicked it to Normal: 848 My watch: 359 ...and a second later: 400
At this point, I took a long shower and rinsed the 4th dimensional buildup out of my hair.
Time started up again as I walked back into my room just as my alarm clock went off at: 930
I did facial motion capture (emotion capture? eh? Ehhhh???) for Epic Games in Cary. They're the company that made Gears of War, for those of you who are out of the loop. They're also the company behind Jazz Jackrabbit, Jill of the Jungle, and most importantly to this post: the Unreal Tournament series.
Because I'm responsible for every male facial movement in the long-awaited Unreal Tournament III (my friend Katie did the female emotion capture in it).
They're using new emotion-capture software, and it's pretty badass. If you want to see the kind of subtle movements it picks up, why not watch the trailer and keep your eyes open for a signature Fit-KitzSimons eyebrow-twitch in the last scene?
Nobody should ever start a blog without writing a first-post journal. Usually, first-post posts are an explanation of why the blogger felt it necessary to start a journal (or, often, a new journal) and force their friends to (re)find and (re)link it. ...Enh. Not interested.
ORIGIN TALES!
Title of Blog: In The Field With Simon FitzKit (emphasis on the 'fitz' as if you're SnoopDogg-izing the word 'fidget') My friend Sketch and I came up with this character as a bit of green-screen brilliance.
The idea is that he talks like a vaudevillain reporter and presents 'live' segments from in front of the craziest green-screen movie clips we can find: zombie apocalypse, during Pink Floyd's 'The Wall,' interviewing DeNiro in 'Taxi Driver'... you know, the standard stuff.
URL of Blog: folioninja.blogspot "Folio Ninja" is my user ID on every video game I've played since March, 2006. It just sounded like it fit. Plus it seemed appropriate, considering how, at the time, I was rocking the senior year of an English major and taking the world's greatest Shakespeare course. Enjoying that much of The Immortal Bard at one time makes a man do crazy things, like consider how much cooler ninja would be if they were also learned classic-lit scholars.
...Also, my friend Nate from Atlanta saw the phrase on my profile and decided to create the Polio Ninja, whose entire purpose is not to assassinate you quickly and quietly, but instead to give you polio.
