From My Inbox:
SUBJ: WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION
The company or e-mail address attached to this IP Address has been awarded the sum of Five Million United States dollars in WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION Award credited to file NO: M154S/WL04. You are to contact the claim processing department with the beneath requirement via email below.
1. FULL NAME: 2. AGE: 3. ADDRESS: CITY: STATE/ZIP CODE: COUNTRY: 4. PHONE NUMBERS: / FAX NUMBERS: 5. SEX: 6. OCCUPATION: 7. E-MAIL ADDRESS: ALTERNATIVE E-MAIL ADDRESS:
Hon. Marvin Valentino,
Mrs. Jean Middleton.
Oh, those rascally kids, Mrs. Jean Middleton and the Honorable Marvin Valentino(1), are at it again! I didn't even realize the WHO had $5,000,000 to spare, what with their planning Conventions (while) on Psychotropic Substances and paying private eyes to continue AIDS surveillance, or whatever they do with their funding these days. Then again, they're probably still getting residuals from the movie Tommy and everything from CSI:Here to CSI:Eternity, so perhaps I can't fully comprehend just how large their petty cash drawer is.
Regardless, I'm curious as to what the requirements are to qualify for the World Health Organization Award (or WHOA for short). Since it's being awarded to "the company or e-mail address attached to this IP Address" I can only assume it's something I did online.
Maybe it was that googlechat I had with Tony about how awesome I think it is that none of us smoke; it wasn't exactly a public service announcement or anything, but it could've been if I'd Fw:'ed it to a listserve. I could have made the Subject line something like "ty 4 /smkng" or "lol bc I still have a healthy larynx," and that, my friends, would have been how you save lives.
Or perhaps it was my posting that picture denouncing malaria. You remember, this one?
I know, I know, people have been denouncing malaria for years (especially people who've seen The Streets at Southpoint), but maybe the world just needed my particular thousand words(2) to get the point(3).
Either way, I'm not going to let this go to my head. I have a responsibility to the World Health Organization to do the right thing with my newly acquired 5-mil. WHO cares how I spend their money, right? WHO gives a damn, you know? WHO indeed.
Also, their email (firstname.lastname@example.org) tells you in which country they're currently based. And the World Health Organization's base is most likely where some foul disease is, so I guess that means something is, in fact, rotten in the state of Denmark. ...I'll stop now.
(1) Sounds like the name Mel Brooks would use in a movie about Rudie Valentino's less-than-charming younger brother.
(2) Or, technically, 1004 words, I suppose.
(3) The South point? Sorry, I'll stop.